Returning to my (newly) arctic homeland in southern Canada for the holidays put me off the online grid for a few weeks, but I have now returned to a (relatively) warm London to continue entertaining (and hopefully sometimes helping) you with my posts. I’ve missed you all dearly! I hope you have all had a restful and restorative holiday season, and were able to delegate holiday stress to your very supportive family members ;).
The New Year is a time for goals I am usually a compulsive goal setter. My travel journal is filled with checklists and monthly goals in the hopes that I would use my time on the road wisely, rather than watching the days blend together over various beaches and cheap cocktails. I had no problems making these goals while traveling, yet as soon as I began creating a home and a life in London, I felt more lost than ever. One of my goals had been to make less goals, to look less to the future and live more in the present, but now that I was meant to actually sit in one place and find a home, job, and community, my plan not to plan didn’t seem so insightful anymore. While the feeling of being able to do anything was exciting at times, it soon dawned on me that it was mostly terrifying. Where would I live? Where would I work (and this holds more anxiety for those with illness than others) who would my friends be?
In fact, I still have a lot of these anxieties 6 months in! Writing down my thoughts and goals is a way to organize my often cluttered mind, yet as January 1st crept up, I had no desire to make a New Year’s resolution. Was I simply too confused and misdirected to get anything down on paper? It is very possible, yet I have hope that my plan not to plan had more of an impact on me than a bout of anxiety. Just as having an illness can force you to rethink your priorities and explore new options, being faced with homelessness inspires both desperation and a little creativity. Having goals is great, but it has become clear to me that I also need to learn to deal with uncertainty. I traveled for almost a year, often without any plan. I just jumped off an airplane, or boat, or bus, or train and found my way. Now I need to put those skills to the use in everyday life.
At the end of the week I will begin my yoga teacher training, and in a few months one of my current job contracts will end. It feels terrifying not to know how I will be moving forward, but it is also forcing me to answer some pretty tough questions and make some interesting decisions about how to move forward. I can’t say anything for certain yet, but it may include expanding this blog (more mindfulness, more yoga, more eating, more traveling), and a few other projects I have been playing around with in my head focused on complementary health, yoga, fair trade, and writing. Stay tuned over the next few months to see what plans may unfold!
I’d love to hear your thoughts as well: Do you want to see my blog expand? Are you interested in more yoga and mindful travel?