The Chronically Ill’s Prayer for a Job

Based on ‘A Mothers Prayer for Her Daughter‘ by Tina Fey

First Lord; nothing too stressful, may neither the words ‘fast paced’ nor ‘competitive environment’ grace the sentences of the job description.

May I be respected, but not valued, for it is the value that brings the extra hours every Friday evening, not the respect.

When an extra project is proposed, may I remember the time I spent a month in bed after finishing a term paper, and have the grace to say ‘no’.

Guide me, protect me, when negotiating hours, with sick leave, when requesting holiday pay and overtime, when asking to work from home, when working from home, when working in the office, when sitting through meetings, when completing a project, when undergoing stress, when being asked if I’ve ‘got a moment’ or if I could ‘help out with a task’, or having a tight deadline for anything , ever.

Lead me away from hospitality but not so far as tech. Something where I can have flexible hours , and don’t have to interact with people too often, but still where I can make friends and get outside every now and then. Something that is challenging and stimulating but not too stressful. What is this Lord? Please tell me so I may apply. Please do not tell anyone else that asks.

O Lord, break the email server forever, so that I may be spared the rejection letters that come in, the stupid questions from clients, and the weird chain emails from co-workers.

And when one day, my boss gives me a performance review, and says I am doing well and asks if I can take on some duties of the position that was just terminated, give me the strength, Lord, to pass it on to a different colleague, because I will not have that shit, I will not have it.

And if one day lord, I feel , like my book is ready for publication and I am ready to quit my job, let them replace me with someone more energetic who Is willing to work more than 48 hours per week. And as she sits at my old desk until 7pm on a Friday evening excited about this ‘great opportunity’, may she wonder how her predecessor ever made it through the job in so few hours a week, and may she see the corners I cut and the projects I passed off to others, and let her make a note to call and ask me about it. May she forget to call Lord, may she forget.


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